Thursday, January 08, 2009

The Morning After

It has been a somewhat trying morning. Two days ago I discovered that I have no Internet. Ack! After not attempting to log on at all a few days ago, what with suffering from Internet-fatigue and all, I was even more aghast. I felt like, to quote PG Wodehouse, a dog who has been refused cake. But what if I had offended the Internet Gods and now I would be Net-less, forsaken and out on the cold steppes of Local Access Only?
However, I stepped up to the plate. I did my duty. With trepidation sloshing in every pore, I did it- called Customer Service. What with my long and roaring history with Those People, this was nothing short of an act of flag-waving gallantry. First, I called the automated number. A human chap whom I procured through clever navigation of all the auto-menus then told me a new number I could call for Internet queries.
So I called this other number. Again, I cleverly subverted their auto-menus and got another human chap. This one, however, did not respond nicely when I told him my account number. "Account number?" he wailed. "What is this regarding?"
"Er," I said for the ninth time, "this is regarding the fact that my Internet service is not working." "Oh," the chap said, sighing with relief. "You are an existing customer. This number is for new customers only. Do one thing, call the automated number."
So I spent the next ten minutes whirling round and round their suggestions and numbers and existing menus. Finally, after keying in about 12 different choices, I hit gold. I got another chap! Except that she was a girl. She proceeded to walk me through the most complex set of troubleshooting steps I've ever undertaken, involving blinking cursors, IP addresses, Subnet Masks and who knows what else. Midway through step no. 25, what happens? I get disconnected! The blessed call terminates.
In a cold sweat, I called them back. I went through the whirligig. And I got another chap. I patiently explained the entire saga. And then we began hacking our way through the troubleshooting undergrowth again. Of course, at one point I had to ask him to slow down. He said, "oh sorry ma'am. We are supposed to finish the call in 10 minutes and it's already 15 minutes so I applo-gize for that."
Right. My IQ fell by several points after this brutal confession. Anyhoo, I successfully folllowed the ninety steps and lo! the Internet is restored! I am the dog who has won the cake back!

J now calls me Tech Support Queen. I smirked and said-'see, told you there are advantages to marrying an Indian!'

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