Exhibit A: Sandra Bullock. This Marchesa gown looked even more fabulous on TV. It moved like liquid, and at one point the Bullock looked like she was standing in a limpid silver pool. This immediately raises the question: why, then, does she look so uncertain? Should not a girl, draped in such a fetching frock, be flashing a fetching grin? My conclusion was she was not feeling entirely confident about her stylist’s choice of a red lip. But to that, I say, pppht! Buck up, Bullock! You look smashing, your hair is delectably shiny, and your red lips are not too much!
Then there was Pen: Ah, Penelope! You please me immensely because this gorgeous red color flatters your already unbelievable beauty. Your diamonds, as usual, blind me. The only, and this is almost negligible, peeve would be that the top of your bodice looks a bit…well…unbalanced. However, because you are Penelope, and therefore capable of doing no wrong, all is forgiven. Plus, you have leapt ahead of your own self from a year ago by wisely choosing to forego black and white as possible choices for your big night out.
Maggie-what-have-we-here-Gyllenhaal: And now, to prove my theorem that M. Gyllenhaal is out to prove us all wrong about our opinions on her fashion prowess. Here, she stands out from the crowd in this Dries van Noten column. After her spectacular showing at the Golden Globes in that flamingo-pink Roland Mouret gown, she has established herself in my high esteem. She would be forgiven for thinking at the moment this picture was being taken: HA!
The Battle of the Armani Prives: The young thing on the left (Amanda Seyfreid? Who?) certainly got to live out her princess fantasy. Hey, if I were 18 and looked like that, I might probably pick the same dress, if I were to have my choice from Armani Prive. I would definitely not slick my hair back so hard that my otherwise beautiful head looked bald, but, certainly, the dress I would not complain about. And then, on the right, Madame Lopez. This misty lilac looks divine on her. Plus, the dress itself is grand enough for her persona. Although, the more I look at it, the flouncy side thing looks more and more like a fountain of cold black currant slush, but that is just my brain being affected by the heat. In conclusion, both look heavenly. Maybe next year they will delight us all by wearing competing gowns from Versace?
Why so sedate, Kate? Still, by styling her hair like an old-Hollywood goddess, she does breathe more life into her YSL looks-like-two-but-is-actually-one dress. But, Kate, as beauteous as you are, I am compelled to devote more space to the one standing next door to you- the unspeakably cool Helen Mirren. How, pray tell, does she look like this at age god-knows-what? Those sparkles! The sheer sleeves! The color! All elements that I may normally sneer at, but when put together like this, I am speechless. No wonder she looks well-pleased.
And Diaz is back. Was it just last year that she got stuck in that wrinkled pink thing at this very same awards show? Look at her now! She picked the perfect dress from Oscar de la Renta. Something about the sparkles and the red lips- two elements she had in common with the Bullock, but she takes first place. Maybe it is her smile to go with the sassy red lipstick, or the fact that she manages to look not the least bit princessy. Maybe she spent more time on her hair. Whatever. She has firmly swept into the lead, and there she shall remain for posterity.
With this delectable shimmery entry, I now conclude my report. May it be more of the same next year.